U dont realize how much you need each of your fingers until they're wrapped in a band-aid n your tryin so hard not to get it wet

Losing your virginity is a lot like Fable II: It starts off strange, but it gets easier real fast. Before you know it, it's over! And then you can do what ever the hell you want.

What is sleep, after all, but the process by which we dumped our insanity into a dark subconscious pit and came out on the other side, ready to eat cereal instead of the neighbor's children

15 minutes into lecture and 3 pages of notes later, he says "wait, let me start over"

The real trouble with my sarcasm is that half the time, when people think I'm being sarcastic, I'm actually being quite sincere

"Every closed eye is not sleeping; and every open eye is not seeing".

Friend: is there a way to have a hangover without drinking or doing drugs?
me: yea, it's called being pregnant..
friend: oh, crap...

*actual conv with my friend (who's a girl). thought it was funny*

_XX[Juust Remembeer If Thee Woorld Didnt Suuck... We'd All Fall Off]xx_

There are no failures; just experiences that don't go as you planned.

A balanced diet: a cookie in each hand.