Hey i'll be outside so if anyone needs me tell them i'm "out-standing".

I'm not saying you're easy, but when I look up something to do in your town it gives me your address.

How much cocaine does Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill two and a half men...

DAD: Wanna Hear A Joke Son? SON: Yes DAD: Pussy SON: I Don't Get It... DAD: EXACTLY!

Hey I just met you, and girl you look crazy, what brands your make-up, Crayola maybe?

Me: knock knock
them: who's there
me: whata
them: whata who
me: whata are you doin lookin at me in da dark

If you get hit in the face. you didnt dodge the ball

I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, Hello? As if the bad guy is gonna be like, Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?

Apple was considering making an iPod for kids but apparently, the name 'iTouch Kids' didn't sit too well.

Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse.