Please, do feed my ego.

If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I'm not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.

Hey! Wanna make $$$$$$ fast? Just follow my simple instructions. 1:Hold down the Shift key 2:Press the number 4 six times. It's that easy.

The early worm catches the bird

A guy outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I told him, I feel like it would take longer than that

Why do porn sites have a 'Share to Facebook' button? Who watches porn and thinks, 'You know who'd really enjoy this? My family and friends.'

I don't insult people , I just describe them ;)

Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say the name of the person you love 3 times, you will look really stupid doing that.

Depresso; the feeling you get when you've run out of coffee.

Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.