Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

Twinkle, twinkle,
little s!*t.
Name one guy
you haven't f&&&ed.

I only drink on days that start with a T; Tuesday, Thursday, today, tonight, and tomorrow.

1f u c4n r34d 7h15, u r34lly n33d 2 g37 l41d

Everything's possible? Have you EVER tried slamming a revolvable door?

Do you ever wonder...
who was the first person to see a egg come out of a chickens butt and said...
I am going to eat that?

A women once said that a man is
like a deck playing card you need
A Heart To Love Him
A Diamond To Marry Him
A Club To Smash His F#?@$ing Head In
A Spade To Bury The Bastard

Everyone knows a mike. =)

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

If a were a chocolate peanut cluster i would so be a cannibal