I rather be a betch than a whoe rather tell it like it is than blow every boy i know rather be known for what i do than who i screw ;p

Friend: "Have You Seen My Acid?"
Me: "F**k Your Acid, Have You Seen The Dinosaur In The Kitchen?"

I saw cards that said "get well soon"
.. F**K that! Get well now

demitri martin

Few women admit their age
few men act theirs

We had gay burglars break into our house last night...
They rearranged our furniture..

I accidentally rear ended a car at a stoplight.
The driver, a midget, got out and yelled at me, "I'm not happy"
I leaned down and replied, "Well then, which one are you?"

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Two whales were swimming and saw a boat

so they go and blow bubbles under the boat

After the whale said to eat the sailors

the girl whale said no, i did the blow job but i refuse to eat the sea men

*from a joke book*

Screwdriver- "Looks like your not the sharpest tool in the shed"
Hammer- "It's alright; I nailed your wife."

Clever comments from inanimate objects.

What? What the F**k! Ur watching Hannah Mon F**kin Tana?

i said this when my friend started watchin that show when she knows i hate it lol