The real trouble with my sarcasm is that half the time, when people think I'm being sarcastic, I'm actually being quite sincere

"Every woman should use what mother nature gives her before father time takes it away".

Now is my new hour of stress,
Minutes ticking forth a mess!

You be my dairy queen & i'll be your burger king.
you treat me right & i'll do it your way.

I definitely won't drink responsibly.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

It's easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission

Those Who Dare Not Risk The Thorn, Should Never Crave The Rose

People who say "no news is bad news" clearly don't watch the same news as me.

Of all the things about me that could frighten you,
You worry about my driving.