Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his dikc ... maybe squint a little bit

I own beach front property in the friend-zone.

Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you're nuts.

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."

If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn't think you could read.

I May Not Know Art
But I Do Know The Stylistic Anticendants Of
Cubism.

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone

I love the sound you make when you shut the fcuk up.

Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I'm him from the future.