Congrats on your secret admirer! Must be nice having someone who's ashamed to admit they like you!

Please accept this bundle of fragrant plants grown expressly to be killed while in their prime as a token of my love for you.

Relationship Status: Sleeping next to the warm laundry pile.

Get her pizza, not pregnant.

I'd like to nail you so hard you don't wake up for three days. - rejected Christian Mingle bio

Fcuk her so hard you have to get her a "get well soon" card.

So you love a gay guy who likes a straight guy who loves a lesbian girl who is crazy for her straight friend? Well that's not a love triangle that's a fcuking polygon!

Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.

The girlfriend pisses me off so much, I wanna grow old with her just to watch her die.

She asked me for time and distance. I guess she wants to calculate velocity.