For the ex :)

"Not even the light of Heaven and the gravity of Hell could attract me to you again".

I am so deep in the friendzone I've been introduced to her boyfriend's parents.

Valentines Day = Single Awareness Day

Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody's pants.

I've spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she's a woodpecker.

The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.

When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...

Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his dikc ... maybe squint a little bit

I own beach front property in the friend-zone.