You make me want to write bad poetry.

I wish you'd appear in my bed as often as you appear in my News Feed.

I'm becoming quickly convinced that I accidentally joined a tween poetry site.kids...go to bed and sleep it off

I'm looking forward to your lesbian wedding and my multiple chances of catching a bouquet.

"You said you love her, She says she loves him, Then he says he loves me, but then I love him. What a trouble-some love square"

Taylor Swift seems like the type of chick that would poke a hole in a condom.

Never assume that someone likes you by their sweetness, sometimes you are just an option when they are bored.

Consider the nagging suspicion the wife of a hypnotist must feel.

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

You know what you never used to see?...woman happy to be dressed like street walkers :)