A girl just wants to be told you miss her and want her.....50 times a day.

I'm not saying you're ugly, I just can't believe that anyone had sex with you on purpose.

My ex just called me and wants to meet up she said , "We should hang out to and just go crazy " Me - " I can't , and besides you already have a headstart " ... She hung up on me

*i kip on telling my frendz about u.. how u tok, how u laf, how uv touched my life.. then dey asked .."san b makakahanap ng isang 2lad nya?" i answrd: "mandaluyong loob, unang ward sa kanan!" hahaha!*

Hey girl, are you calculus? Because you're hard to understand and seem pretty useless in the greater scope of my life goals.

You had me at 0 mutual friends.

Whenever I take a girl out on a first date I always shake her hand with my left hand because I don't want her to meet her competition just yet.

My new girlfriend is taking forever to exist.

At Dairy Queen: Me: Medium Oreo Blizzard please. DQ: You wanna spoon? Me: Sure, when do you get off?

Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl's whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.