When I say I love you, I either do, or you're dreaming.

(my mate said this to me when i was giving him the evils... hehe)

stop looking at me in that tone of voice, it smells a funny colour...

I don't blame you for breaking my heart. It just made me mad that duct tape didn't fix it.

True friends are like condoms, they are always there when it gets hard.

A good friend will
comfort you when he
rejects you, but a best
friend will go up to him and say,
"It's because you're gay,
isn't it?"

I'm not one of those
girls you can play with.
If you want one, then
go and buy a
Barbie!!!!!

Guys can be like toilets; taken, out of order, unavailiable, or full of crap.

Boyfriend goes to give girlfriend some blood.
Shortly after, they break up.
Boyfriend : Right, before you go i want my blood back!
Girlfriend : *hands him a tampon* i'll pay you back monthly!

He said, " I love you "
I sneezed and siad, " 0h sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit "

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom, are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.