Yes I'm happily married. my wife says so

*message y friend sent me*

OMG!! i just got a phone call of god, he sed one of his angels is missing, Shhhhhhhhh i didnt tell him where you were

Friends will take care of you when you get beat up, Best Friends will beat the shit out of the person that did it to you

"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they
notice about a women are their eyes. And women say
the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch
of liars."

- Jay Leno

Love may be blind, but... (looks up and down)... DAMN!

A friend will bail you out of jail. a best friend will be sitting with you in a jail saying "Damn that was fun!!"

Friend: What are you gunna do if you see him?
girl: Fall over dead more than likely.
friend: Well what will you do if he comes over and talks to you?
girl: I'd become fluent in speaking retard

I have no idea what you just said, but you looked cute saying it.

Girl: wat do u wan to knoe
boy: do u trust mi
girl:yea of course
boy: how much
girl: as mush as i trust everyone else
boy: but u dont trust anyone else
girl: dude hi-5,im glad u got my point

If you can blame guns for killing people, then I blame misspelled words on my pencil