Most stoners seem like they're not too bright. But ask them about weed and they turn into a walking Wikipedia.

Nothing faster than the speed of light? That's a lie. Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from a pic that makes her look fat.

Dude, not everyone getting gas at the Chevron needs to hear 10 minutes of Lil' Boosie at 85 decibels with your windows down while you're inside waiting in line to buy your Red Bull and Slim Jim.

Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held.

Twitter = Unfollow. Facebook = Unfriend. You = Unforgettable.

The problem with the world today is that the smart people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.

Dealing with society and relationships is really quite simple...just lower your expectations...

Money not buying you happiness? Wire it into my account and I'll send you pictures of how happy it makes me. Problem solved.

And what about all those Weight Watchers. Really, what a bunch of losers!

I'm pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.