“I've got no aim, a million rounds, is nothing real / a hundred pounds of heavy steel, it feels so loud / tied to my chest, it feels so loud” - Modus by Joji.

“Oxygen” by Emeli Sandé hitting me hard this morning.

I crave the rush of nicotine, the way it turns my fingertips into a tingling blur of motion. How I can feel it in my toes. Can close my eyes and just be, for just a moment.

“Rules” by Doja Cat, “Roof” by Jessie Reyez and “damn Right” by Audrey Nuna are my hype songs for the day.

“ILYSB” by Lany on repeat while running errands, wishing you were right beside me.

“Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve on repeat this morning.

“Older Than I Am” by Lennon Stella always makes me cry.

Lyrics to “The Only Exception” by Paramore, spilled from my own lips, echoing off my shower walls this morning.

Thank you to the person who nominated my poem, those who voted for it and for the win. Biggest thanks goes out to my muse, my inspiration, ma petite fleur, who makes each day something special, who loves me despite my flaws and who I’ll cherish forever.

I thought my tears had dried up for now. But leaving my home state and seeing that the poem for my Grandma was both nominated and won, they come so easily. I hope those who read and voted felt the pieces of her I placed in there. Thank you.