by I Heart Question Mark Feb 7, 2008
category :
Sadness, depression /
other
It's hard to see you smile at her the way i want you to smile at me |
by Hidden1
Girl I know that's right!!!! I can feel every sentence in this poem!!! Been there and done that, I wish there was a way that we could get what we wanted and have them feel the same way we do. Can't help but feel a tab bit jealous when we see the one's we want with another chick. This is really good!!!! |
by Alyssia L K
I really like this poem. Along with I wanna be, thats really good too! |
by Letty
This poem has a strong touch of sadness to it and I agree with Erin, to it being realistic; but there are to many repetitions and it makes it hard to focus on the message you're trying to convey. The flow is also a bit shaky and you need to add punctuation. Punctuation is a plus where this poem is concerned. I admit that with some poems you don't need it, but this particular poem is screaming for it. You also need to capitalize any single I. I believe that you should consider this to being like your first draft, edit it, add a little more depth and it would be perfect. I liked it; don't get me wrong. It just needs a little work. I look forward to reading it when you're done editing. : ) |
by erin girl
It's always hard to see someone with another person other then yourself! I know how that feels, i think alot of us do. This poem is very realistic and i think alot of people can relate. Try to get more deep with your thoughts instead of the norm. Look at the little things. |