I'm sorry, but I really didn't get the message that you were trying to make in this poem. It's sort of confusing. It seems like you're jumping around in the poem from one message to the other. I also think you need to break it up to make it easier on the eyes. I don't know if it's the lack of punctuation or the words that seem to be missing from this piece. I truly suggest you go over this poem again and do some major editing then resubmit it. I will be more than happy to reread it and then vote. Until then I wish you the best of luck on your writing.

Letty