This gave me a WHOAAA reaction. It seems like you were having a mental battle in your mind about what you wanted to do. Stuff hurts bad, but you can stay strong, endure and make it through. Don't be selfish and retreat by yourself, other's out there need you and are looking to you for help. You may be alone, you may even cry sometimes. Know that's it's ok and when you are done smile, relax and say. "I've shed my tears, the pain I still feel, You may be gone from me, but the memories sto me are real. Stay encouraged. Good word play though.