Heaven Needed a Hero (Collab)

I think two very distinct styles of writing stand out in this piece, and that does throw off the flow. I like your writings better individually.

This is pretty good.. but some of the stanzas rhymed and others didnt. kinda threw the flow off.. but overall it was pretty good. 4/5

Indeed there's no correction to make. The poem is just ok. Your choise of words is excellent.

Oh my good lord.

I have tears in my eyes from this. What is it with people making me want to cry with their work today. Lmao

Okay. Anyway.

This is just beautiful, so incredibly sad and moving, and such a touching write. I find this to be very bittersweet.

The first two stanza's, I find the flow to be a little off. Maybe it's the way I'm reading it but it just doesn't seem to sit right with me.

Third and fourth stanza, is so sad. filled with such melancholy and you manage to bring such despair and loss of hope in so few words.

"It echos through the night,
And it echos through my heart
In there is a missing piece,
When you left you took that part.

Examining the picturesque stars
Wishing I was the one to die,
Life's not worth living without you,
To be happy would be to live a lie."

^^I just adore these two stanzas. These are the ones that filled my eyes with tears, I find them to be so intense and hard hitting and so many emotionsfired up inside me after reading this part.

"They said, your life was over
That it was your time to go,
But still, I can't understand,
I don't think I will ever know."

^^ This is quite possibly one of the most moving and sad stanzas in the piece...the loss of hope, the despair, the longing, the need for answers that will never come...truly touching, and has such an intense affect on the reader.

The last two stanza's are just beautiful, you both manage to hold so much power throughout the piece and keep it up right until the end. And that ending line...wow. Just amazing, and so sad yet simutaneously so full of love that it's just a beautiful ending filled with elegance and beauty.

The only thing I didn't like in this piece was the constant use of I, I think that's what threw the flow of for me.

Maybe try eliminating some of those and you'll probably find the flow to be so much smoother.

You both did a wonderful job with this piece, and if you decide to collab again I will be ready and waiting.

He writes well, he does.
And so do you.
That explains why this poem is so good (was anyone questioning that in the first place).
Fabulous!

"It echoes through my heart" <-superb line, really