WORLD OF DUST AND LIES

by Lizaveta   Feb 12, 2008


Well i wrote it in a very strange mood. i know there are many slips... and the ending is bad. any suggestions?

I've opened the window and the fresh air comes in
Cool breeze runs slowly down my skin
I wish I could do the same to the world I live in

To let some fresh air into this world of dust and lies
Where lips smile and laugh, but never do eyes
Where surface glitters but so dark inside, you realize

The hypocritical world is a marsh protracting you in it
Hard to answer truly to a lie, hard to stand on your feet
Hard to smile back when hatred is what in their eyes you read

They are so fake; sometimes I want to laugh at them
But then I realize: I hate it, but I act just the same
I need fresh air to prove this hypocrisy is so lame.

I need a wind to blow the dust of prejudices away
I need a thunder so they hear me when I say
I need a lightning coz this world is now grey

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  • 16 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Wonderful thought... and brilliantly written...

    "I've opened the window and the fresh air comes in
    Cool breeze runs slowly down my skin
    I wish I could do the same to the world I live in"

    ^^ I loved the imagery here... truly we need a fresh breeze to remove all the negative things from our world...

    and the last part is wonderful.. I liked it...

    keep writing such beautiful thoughts dear...

  • 16 years ago

    by Veamm

    Excellent!

    I liked it, It was clear and very attractive piece. It was simple though but you had describe it very well. It was an awesome piece, you had put such emotions and the message on it is great!

    Favorite lines

    They are so fake; sometimes I want to laugh at them
    But then I realize: I hate it, but I act just the same
    I need fresh air to prove this hypocrisy is so lame.

    -it really caught my eyes, I love the contradiction part. Such a powerful lines.

    The only thing that needs to replace is the last lines, even though it rhymes, but I think its just not powerful like the other lines. But its just me.

    Keep it up
    Veamm.

  • 16 years ago

    by BitterXSweetness

    Interesting. I did think that it was good. It's sad that stuff like this does go on and I feel the same 2 a point about wanting 2 fix it. 1 day it will all get better though. But I liked ur poem. It was deep and heartfelt. The only thing that I think that u should work on would be ur flow. It didn't take away from the meaning of the poem but in some parts it was like all over the pace. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Live WeLL

    Wow... amazing and beautifully written poem! .. I love your style of writing here and your word choice is great! I love your use of metaphors and using the wind to create such imagery... you really paint a picture for the reader...

    To let some fresh air into this world of dust and lies
    Where lips smile and laugh, but never do eyes

    Those two lines are my favorite. They are so well written.. I wish it were as simple as just a gust of wind to wipe away all lies and everything false - how great would that be? ..The 2nd line is perfectly written.. where lips smile but never the eyes.. it is so true.. truth is in the eyes..

    I need a wind to blow the dust of prejudices away
    I need a thunder so they hear me when I say
    I need a lightning coz this world is now grey

    Brilliant way to end the poem. 3 beautifully written lines with such powerful meaning! your poem makes so much sense!...

    Amazing job. keep it up! 5/5 from me!! and thanks for the comment =)

  • 16 years ago

    by desiring love

    Well I love the subject the beginning was great.

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