Ode to Valentine's Day

Searing desperation
deep within my chest
As I remember something that seemed so long ago
but I have yet to forget.
You see, I tried to give my heart away
Only to be fed lies
I tried to give my heart away...
Only to be thrown aside.
The problem with this picture is,
that after it was all done
I kept the notes
in vain hope
They remind me that for once I was loved by someone.
Truthfully though,
There was no love with that fake heart
there was not even a distant feeling for me.
Truthfully though,
I was living in delusion,
and that is not me...
So one day I tore the notes,
not bothering to look at them one more time,
funny, i thought I would need them forever
and forever is seemingly not a long time.
And as I ripped them,
I dare not glance the scripture that lay inside
I didn't want to see them
those pretty little lies.
I tore the poems, I tore the "love"
I tore them out of existence...
But what I hadn't known, is that
in that instant
I tore my heart from my chest
and dashed it into oblivion.
I filled my soul with hatred, a glee of another kind.
I destroyed all hopes of loving again
I only wished to hide
this piece by piece heart.
It has never been whole (I didn't even know they came in that kind)
I was surprised at first the lightness
that filled my tormented mind.
And the idea i was finally independent
caught me and held me in midair
my dreams spread out once again.

I needed not love, I thought, not a day of it...
But now, after so long has passed... a year perhaps,
I find that I cannot soothe myself anymore
That I would not last.
Without another heart beside me, I was, am, nothing
but... in so many pieces I lie,
who would even bother to try?
A heart beyond repair can never be fixed
and love...
doesn't exist...