Crying to die

I tried to end all the pain in a quiet comfortable way
Took fifty pills. Put on fresh clean clothes. And in a big bed I lay
It didn't work. Two days later, and all is confusion and shaking
Don't know why I am here. But it's not my time to go
Most would be done and passed on by now. But not me
Instead I wake Two days later. Disappointed in my actions and my ways
Feels like this is just one big horrid test. Don't know if I am passing or failing
Just wishing to be at peace. Peace with myself, and at peace with life
So very tired with all of this. This whole living thing is too much to take
The words I speak, and this smile I wear are all just so fake
Yes I am awake. Yes I am alive. Is this really it?
The pills didn't take. The sleeping for days just made me more upset.
Drinking, smoking, ED's, Self harm, depression, anger, pain
This is what I am made of. Can it be any more INSANE