If only...

If I try to understand myself,
It's like falling into sin...
A game of unexpected cruelty,
with a cavity, decaying grin...

Something so innocent,
like finding out my meaning...
Results in horrible memories,
that seem so unredeeming...

If I could travel through time,
I'd redo my life again...
I would then have no reason,
for such words spilled from this pen...