Beautiful Disaster

That was really sad. I agree with Evanescene it seems to lean more toward the outsider. but this was really good as well.

Man, the flow was great! I was reading it out loud and I didn't have to stop or pause one time! Maybe, it's just because I'm hyper ...or maybe not. Either way this poem expresses the horrible-ness of addictions. Something that I'm very acquainted with. Great jobbb!

Cayce xxx

Aww this is such a sad story, I really hope it's not true. My favourite stanza:

I know it hurts,
I can see through her act.
She needs some help,
I know this for a fact.

The flow was occassionally disrupted by the number of syllables in the line but all in all another great poem.

Em xXx

You have the point of view of an outsider looking in, but I don't see the point of view of the girl herself or a conection to show her feelings to the reader. If you wanted to show an outsider point of view then you have succeeded but did you want to show more about how this girl came to be this way, her history or something that makes her real to the reader. This of a song, it's not just lyrics is it, no it tells us a story such as Kelly Clarkson's, "Because of You." In which she sings, "Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me, because of you I am afraid." But it follows up to explain it such as, "I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me." Do you get what I am trying to help you with or suggest? This of poetry as an art form, a song, a place to heal. We are not just writing words but making a connection.