Daddy, this one's for you.

I usually break it up and do it sentence by sentence, but I read your first stanza and I can't do that for you. I'm sorry. It just flows too nicely. :].
"It's more like a sad heart,
that's knawing at my flesh.
More like a broken bone,
massaging down my back.
It's more like a bloody nose,
sniffy at my perfume. . . "
^^^
[Okay, I read this and was like.. "No rhyming.. eh". But then I actually <read> it and Babe, it's beautiful.
I love the first line,
"it's more like a sad heart"
what is? I don't care, it's a beautiful metaphor.
"more like a broken bone, massaging down my back."
I would have hated that line, but you used "massaging" which is <really, really> unique and made those two lines I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E.
However, "Sniffy" perfume? I <really> hope you mean "sniffing" and just made a mistake. =].]

"It's more like a lightning bolt,
clashing at my skin.
It's more like a tornado,
throwing me within. . .
it's more like a lions roar
right before attacking . . ."
^^^
["clashing at my skin". Not "hitting" or "striking" or any cliche word, but "clashing"... Brilliant use of words to keep me interested. =].
I like the
"it's more like a tornado"
but dislike
"throwing me within" << It seems.. hmmm... out of place. I really don't know how to describe it. The rest of your lines have been magnificent, but that one is kind of dull comapared.
And the same feelings go for
"right before attacking".
It just doesn't fight with the other amazing lines that are described so well.]

"But, Daddy this one's for you;
it's more like a tear drop,
of acid down my cheeks.
More like a firecracker,
of helium I'm breathing in.
More like a deadbeat dad,
stalking my near future."
^^^
[I like the first line, because it ties in the title. Nice.
"of acid down my cheek"
Beautiful stated, that a tear drop is like acid. I love that, because teras really can burn.
"more like a firecracker, of helium I'm breathing in."
B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T, again. I just LOVE your description.

Oh dear. As for the last two lines, I really dislike them. They really didn't tie into the poem like I thought/hoped they would. I'm sorry, dear. They didn't hold <anything> for me...

I just want to say a few things.
First off, you <can> do more with punctuation then just commas and periods. It'll give your writing (which is already amazing) more emphasis.
And secondly, I loved the flow and the fact it didn't rhyme. It was perfect for this piece.
And finally, though the ending killed it for me, I loved the rest of the poem. Your description is amazing and strong.

Keep writing. =].
xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5