Blood

Boy, this will sound mean, but honest.

Just by looking at the poem, I noticed a TON of "her" and "all" words. Honestly, this made me not want to read the poem, but I gave it a try.

I thought it really lacked the imagery that it needed. It was to broad for me. Even though you described the scene, there wasnt any detail that made my mind start picturing it.

The poem also lacked power words that set off the meaning of the lines. Instead of just saying EVERYWHERE, give more details "Splashed across the faces of the two lifeless figures" or "Splattered upon paintings from her daughters third grade finger-painting". Remember that the human mind thrives on details. Without them, it like watching a black and white movie.

I get the meaning of the poem, but I just dont think it was presented in a poetic fashion.

I would try to remove the repetition. It took away from the subject too much to enjoy.

I DID like that the first few stanzas introduced a thought in one line, and then the following three lines supported it. For example:

The blood is everywhere <------ Here is the topic for this stanza
her head is pounding <------ This line supports the first line
her heart is racing <------ This line supports the first line
her vision is fading <------ This line supports the first line

I didnt leave a rating, i did not want to weight your rank down on this poem.

Sorry if this was harsh, but I always write honestly.

Best writing.

Awesome, I need a gothic vampire to take me away.

5/5

Wow that creeped me out! I absolutely love the structure of the poem and the way you use short sharp lines like

"her head is pounding
her heart is racing
her vision is fading"

to convey panic and desperation. It's really cool how it's so fast paced and then right at the end, when she realised what's happened, the last line is really slow as if she really is taking her last breath. VERY clever and effective.

5/5 for sure,

Em xXx

Very haunting done quite well but I think if you would have showed them together in death or staring at each other over thr blood this would be a more powerful poem just a thought plot121