In despair

Let me start off by saying how much I truly enjoyed this poem. I rarely come accorss one that takes my breath away as this one has.

Like the branches' leaves swept away by autumn
my tranquility breaks in despair
feels like the world is desolate
convincing me to throw it all away

I love these lines, yet I think they coul be bettered by capitalization and punctuation. It seems a bit choppy to me, and the last two lines are somewhat vague. Try using pronouns like "it" and see if it sounds more to your liking.

tomorrow is a distant memory
what is this new awful feeling?
i fear to look beyond the horizons of this earth
for i'm bound by terror of my own deception
will i penetrate deep into the core?

I love the questions you pose here. They left me thinking, but again you're rather vague. Will you penetrate the core of what? Your terror? I also thin kthis poem could be bettered by seperation of stanzas, it would help the flow in places such as this, when I was unsure as to where to break off a thought and begin a new one. Punctuation would also be helpful here.

the wall i built is crumbling
maybe i'll get underneath to crush my fears
a neigboring jar of pennies shatters my conscious
the room explodes with seismic waves
undressing my coat of flesh
blessing me with courage and wings to fly

I really like the imagery in these liens, I can picture the explosion and the beginning of a new you. Im not too sure why you've included a jar of pennies in your poem, but I love how it made me think. Nice job on these lines.

if i hide above the clouds no one has to know my secrets
eihter way i'm a soar loser
too much and too little is easy to afford
the devil's simpleton nested my remaining afflictions for another time and yet a few more trials

Hmm. I adore the first line, since it's really unique and I've never seen clouds used in this way. II also adore the "soar loser" pun. I thought it was a mistake the first time i saw, but then I remembered the flying part and realized it wasn't. very clever. "too much and too little is easy to afford" Maybe try, "Too much and too little is TOO easy to afford," as I think a dash of repetition would be nice. The last line is a bit long, perhaps try cutting it down a few words?

on a rare nights final calling the wilted shadow whispered it's lingering defeat in my drums
finally....silent night...graceful plunge...sweet silent nights

I feel like the first line is just a bunch of words thrown together without much meaning, and there's nothing linking them together. It would be a good line if you linked it all together. maybe, "On rare, final nights, the calling wilted shadow whispered..." etc. As for the last line, I love it. =]

Fabulous poem, I loved the imagery and I think by fixing up a few things it could be absolute perfection in a poem. Keep up the great work!

~Ash