Its a Lie

It's a lie, I constantly worry a way
It'll haunt all my thoughts, I know it, someday
But when I get older and your far away
Will I even remember how I hurt you that day?
There was always something, a worry, a care
Whenever you called, I wasn't there
And what was that hidden, behind your smile
Was it pain in disguise, that you carried awhile?
With every moment and time that I pray
I know you spent time just wasting away
I always had hoped to bring you some joy
Though all that was born was your pain
I know my words were never profound
I never took the chance that made your heart sing out
But where was I wrong, where have you gone?
Dawn isn't breaking, this nightmares too long
Every second I thought you were okay
Was I blinded by the life that you faked?
You mastered the art of deceit and of lies
While all this time you were caught in the fray
People seemed to come to watch you fall
But when the day was over, did all that matter at all?
Love isn't real, doesn't matter, you'd say
Do you know that I loved you anyway?
Its a plague, Ill constantly hold all my fears
Will I ever forget this, its my fault you aren't here?
Every blackness I see is filled with your tears
Every hope I had; lost, when I wasted those years
It never mattered, the river you shed
All you ever did was give me my head
Is this how I showed you how much that I loved?
Ignoring, forgetting, all you pray from above?
You loved me I know it, and I'm sorry for that
I hope you've moved on, like I never can
I hope again I'll see you, say 'how have you been?'
And I hope you'll reply, 'lets start over, lost friend.'