Your writing is very powerful and persuasive.

"I try to breathe, but I can only gasp for air
The more I sit here the longer I wonder and stare
What has come of me besides an empty soul
I have no one to come to me and console"

These lines were best because so much feeling was simplified and appealing at the same time.

I like the the last part it tied it all up for me, and love the rhyming it really fitted the peice. 5/5

Nice work u r so good