Hello! :)

I really liked it... Except, I feel like it could do without the first stanza. That first part is just a bit hard to follow, and the change in style between the first stanza and the rest of the poem is maybe just too abrupt? I would absolutely love it if it began with that second stanza, although I do appreciate the point you were trying to get across in the first. Maybe you should just give some thought to reformatting that first part so that it blends more smoothly into the body of your poem.

Still, though, it's really good!
Best wishes,
-Mike aka ~DBM~