THiS P03M iS AMAziNq! y0U AR3 TRU3Ly AN ARTiST! i F3LT 3V3Ry W0RD y0U WR0T3! :()

This poem really touched me, perhaps because it is so applicable to my current circumstances, or because I relate to the devistating (sp) loss. I love this line:

Isn't it funny how I'm now one big ball of tired cliche

It is just so perfect, and communicates the entire emotion on the poem. Nice write, 5/5 from me.

An excellent write from an good poet. I loved your choice of words. You used a very wide selection of vocabulary, which is always nice to see. The structure was very good and well put together.

I personally feel the flow was off, perhaps changing it up a little bit to make it flow better. Also I noticed, there really isn't a rhyming scheme, although rhyming isn't always needed in poems, I feel with a little bit of rhyme, the flow would become better.

As good as this poem was, I felt it could of been a lot better with puncuation at the end of each stanza/line.

Overall, a wonderful write. Keep up the great work.

Peace, Joe

For even though you've finally moved on in your life
I'm still clinging desperately to our cherished memories
Hoping against hope that you will find it in your heart
To let down the barriers and finally start to forgive me
^^^
This stanza expresses so clearly the feelings of someone who has realized their mistakes and wants to so desperately be forgiven. Wonderful stanza, excellent imagery!

Don't know what else I can possibly say to rectify this
One thing wanted more than anything in this whole world
To finally be back inside your secure and loving embrace
Baby...For all old times sake, pretend to love me for a second
^^^
This last stanza touches the heart .... realizing how much one has screwed up .... and just wanting to live one more second in the arms of the one they love.

I really enjoyed this read .... it hits so close to my heart. And to see the emotions of person from the other side of the fence (the one who did the hurting) makes me feel that most mistakes can be forgiven.

My favorite lines ....
Painfully trying to swallow my own self loathing

Oh if only I could turn back time, erase all my mistakes

Isn't it funny how I'm now one big ball of tired cliche

Enjoyable read!
Luanne

Oh wow. This poem was breathtaking. I always want that one poem you know that you read it and evern your amazed with your work. And I think you have accomplished that here. I wish I would have wrote this! lol I loved the word choice and the descriptions
5/5

First off , I love the title . This is the type of title where you have to have an open mind before and while reading the piece that goes along with it . But that is a whole other story , I will start my comment now .

First stanza - I like the first line , it caught my attention and made me want to continue reading . I already notice no punctuation and can see you are doing it in a neat and helpful way . The second line continues the emotion of the first , but the word down threw me off just a little bit . The word " agonizingly "and down could also be switched . Just an idea though . I am not sure if you meant to put the word well or if it is supposed to be swell . Either way , I love that line and I can totally relate to the last one . Overall , a great first stanza .

Second stanza - I love the first two lines of this stanza . Probably because I am so going through this at the moment . But that is besides the point . In this stanza , I think that punctuation COULD of been used . Not saying that it is bad or anything . It is one of those situations where it could be used but is fine without it . I notice you use the inner line punctuation , which is great btw . And oh man , those last two lines are powerful . Not so much in words , but in emotion . If you know that feeling it really hits you hard . Great job on that .

Third stanza - A great opening question . It hooks you in . Although this is not the opening of the poem , you don `t want your reader to loose interest in the middle of your poem . Brownie points for that . Lol . :] You end this stanza really well . Not in a rushed way , there is still full thought and emotion . Another great quality to hold .

Just a side note , I notice that ou are still going on with your story line but you keep it interesting . Instead of repeating the same emotion over and over you use different emotions and regrets ect ect . [ Ect or etc ? ]

Fourth stanza - Your first line gives off a cliche feeling at first , but you erase t with te next line . The sarcasm heartbreak tone . I love it . A smooth stanza with this one . Not boring but not the LOOK AT ME one . You get what I am saying right ? I love the last line . I love the phrase tired cliche . Great one on that .

Fifth stanza - I like your word choice . Kinda spices the piece up a bit . Lol . I love the second and third lines as well . The emotions expressed are easily related to and that is always a good thing . With a poem anyways . Lol . And the last line , you sum it up perfectly . I would of liked to see the words " Even if you don `t " in there somewhere but still a great job .

So overall , a wonderfully written piece . 5 . 5
Amber .

Barbie, I thought it was about time to drop into your page seeing as I havn't been here in a while.. First up I noticed we both have this title written into a poem. [Yours much better of course]

This, Now this piece was quite the emotional one from you. Start til finish you portrayed so much sorrow within your words and still you created a sweet feeling. I adored the agony and pain you filled this poem with,
It was beautifully sad.

Painfully trying to swallow my own self loathing
As pride collapses agonizingly down around me
Seeing pity in your eyes, the tears begin to well
Shouldn't, but can't help throwing myself at your feet

You started this piece strongly like you always seem to do with poetry. I've noticed that about your work, your start of the poem holds so much strength and power. The stanza above I liked expecially these two lines:

Seeing pity in your eyes, the tears begin to well
Shouldn't, but can't help throwing myself at your feet

I honestly don't know how you express so much emotion.. You've put your heart and soul into them two lines and it really paid off because whilst reading them I could feel my heart drop with sorrow.

For even though you've finally moved on in your life
I'm still clinging desperately to our cherished memories
Hoping against hope that you will find it in your heart
To let down the barriers and finally start to forgive me

The stanza above, Again! Emotional! Your word choice throughout this poem has been quite simple and very effective, whilst your flow has carried on nice and smoothly. I'm trying to find my favorite stanza but honestly I really can't. They are all equally impressive to me.

How could I have ever treated you the way that I did
Had the best thing in the world, was to selfish to realize
Oh if only I could turn back time, erase all my mistakes
I'd do it in a heartbeat just for one more minute with you

I like how this has been role reversed. Usually I read poems about how a girl or guy has been hurt, but rarely do I find a poem where a the girl or guy has hurt someone else. Well done on that interesting contrast.

This heart is breaking into more shattered pieces each day
Darling don't you find it to be a little more than ironic
Remember how I used to hate all that small town drama
Isn't it funny how I'm now one big ball of tired cliche

Hang on, I think here it is. My favorite stanza. Your bitterness within this was amazing. As was your touch of sarcasm. I knew you had to have some sarcasm throughout this piece. If you didn't it just wouldn't be you. I love the last three lines of that stanza. They are to die for.

Don't know what else I can possibly say to rectify this
One thing wanted more than anything in this whole world
To finally be back inside your secure and loving embrace
Baby...For all old times sake, pretend to love me for a second

You ended this perfectly. Really. You pulled this piece off nicely. I also saw you won in the contest. So well done. Really well deserved.

Overall this was a stunning and heart wrenching poem. You put so much soul and heart into it. It became gorgeous even though it was filled with agony. Definitly eserving of a 5/5 in my eyes. ~Mel

[Btw. Smurfie Does Miss Ya]