If I Were Dying

Decently written. Heres my critique:

Oh, I long to go numb,
To never again feel this pain.

^^ this was a good start. It really caught my attention which is what you want to do with the first 2 lines.

Shards of glass hail from heaven,
Frozen water turns to rain.

^^ beautifully written but it had nothing to do with anything. It destroys the first 2 lines and ruins the beginning. And it also doesn't follow anything else in the poem.

Unaccepted, unwanted, crawling alone,
Who is to say what the scars symbolize?
The hatred that's stuffed up in me,

^^ Very nicely written. These lines were effective and helped the poem a lot. :)

Is what you could never realize.

^^ This line wasn't good. It didn't complete the stanza. And it's poorly written as a line. You should never start a sentence with "Is"

Half a romantic, three-quarters hopeless,
But which side is to win?
The feeling's gone, I'll burn in Hell,
If dying in pain is a sin.

^^ This is a great conclusion for the poem. It was well-written and very effective.

Decent write but again, needs work :( 4/5

Wow, very descriptive. The flow was good, the word choice was great, and the concept was amazing! 5/5

This poem was really good. Your intake on how you were dying was somewhat frightening, I would hope that that is not how I would die! Anyway, great poem. 5/5

Good poem! The flow was good, the word choice was excellent, and the concept was deep. This is a very good write! 5/5

I love it =]