How to be happy

by elmahdy   Feb 26, 2008


I can't move I can't breath,
I feel the ground moving beneath.
I am laying on my back staring to the sky,
Watching the clouds running as if shy.
The sun is bright sending its rays,
I dive in the memories of those days.
When I was a child running everywhere,
Jumping and joking here and there.
The sight of the sun rising from the sea,
And my brother chasing ants till the tree.
I remember the games we used to play,
And those little secrets I can't ever say.
I remember my father's smiley face,
And me winning the final race.
I watch my life displayed in the air,
And I think how to make it even more fair.
I recognized that to be blessed,
Just be Kind hearted.
No foes and detestation,
Only friends and infatuation.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Nee

    That wasn't bad
    loved the concept..but it could've been worded with better words.
    I have some things to comment on though:

    "I can't move I can't breath,"
    it's "breathe" , you used "breath" the noun.

    "I am laying on my back staring to the sky,"
    usually the verb "stare" is followed by "at" not "to"..so I think you should change it !

    "Jumping and joking here and there."
    Usually repeating "and" means that you were starting to lose it..so let's say it should be changed to:
    "Jumping, joking here and there."

    "And my brother chasing ants till the tree."
    I think "to" is better than "till"..I felt like till doesn't flow well.

    "Just be Kind hearted."
    there was unnecessary capitalizing in the first letter of "Kind"..you should remove it.
    And about "kind hearted" itself, it should be changed to kind-hearted I guess.

    Last thing I want to say..you used way too many punctuations..the dots and the commas, especially the dots.
    the poem overall, wasn't bad..but you gotta focus more on your wording and the rhyme.
    Write on =)

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