Those Eyes

by David Wallace   Feb 28, 2008


Those soft beautiful hazel eyes tells no lies,

So pure it reassures my mind that despite the past everything will be fine,

Those beautiful eyes alleviates my pain and ascends my smile,

Those eyes bring back the memories of my days as a young child.

Those beautiful eyes brings tears to my eyes,

So hypnotizing I become mellow when the thought of you creeps in my mind,

Your lips are silk, soothes me on the inside when they connect with mines,

Your kiss cements the meaning of passion, solidifies us when I stare in ya eyes.

LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR ALL YA!!!!!!

Those eyes are beautiful, sexy, cool, sensuous, incredible,

benevolent, meaningful, illustrious. wonderful,

breath taking, shines radiance, toe tapping, they're musical,

Oh girl your eyes can lure my heart in........ please be merciful!!!!!!

All I ever wanted to do was the chance to get next 2 you,

Not knowing those eyes can serenade my soul, they became truly instrumental,

Those eyes lovely bringing peace to my mental,

One stare and now I'm hooked, Please just one more quick fix, Just glance at me boo.

Those eyes are powerful, marvelous, miraculous, lyrical,

Truly mind boggling, have me scratching my head, these feelings I feel are truly unusual,

Those eyes are sexual, Gives my heart a murmur , arouses me mentally,

Those eyes has me going insane, feeling like my heart is about to jump out my chest literally.

Now here where it gets tricky, really a mystery,

Why did it take me so long to daze in those eyes? Baby put me out my misery,

I thought my heart would never mend, sealed shut under padlock and key,

But you captured me completely from the moment you looked at me.

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  • 16 years ago

    by ShootingStar179

    "eyes tells no lies"
    "connect with mines,"
    -Grammar! Take out that pesky "s"!

    "LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR ALL YA!!!!!!"
    -Really? This isn't needed at all and takes away any serious or formal aspect to your poem.
    -Try not to use so many exclamation points. I know I would have gotten the point with just one, and I'm sure your other readers would too.
    "Your kiss cements"
    -Whaaat? I didn't know cement was a verb. Hold on, let me check. Hmm, guess it is. For real, though. It breaks up all attempt at flow.

    "Giving my heart a hard on, arouses me physically"
    -As a reader looking for a love poem, I don't want to read this. Too graphic for my taste.

    "Just glance at me boo."
    -Haha I hope you meant to say too. If you really want to use nicknames in your poem, at least use a comma to seperate it from the main idea.

    "I thought my heart will never mend, sealed shut under padlock and key,
    But you captured me completely from the moment you looked at me. "
    -Besides the grammar mess-up with "will" (should be would), this ending is beautiful!! How is it that you write all that up to that point and manage to create such a poetic, creative ending?

    I'm not trying to be mean at all, really. I just feel bad that you're getting ratings such as a 5, when this poem is a 3 or 4 at best. This poem could be so great if you used the same structure in the last 2 lines throughout the whole poem and got rid of all the "ya"s and "boo"s. It takes away from your professionalism (if you want any, of course).

    Take this comment, or leave it. I'm just trying to help you out. I think getting thorough feedback can help a poet really mature. Take care and keep writing! =D

  • 16 years ago

    by falln angel with broken wings

    Omg i love it....thats how i feel about my gf..way to go hun...

  • 16 years ago

    by LiL Ma

    Thanks for the comment on mi poem
    even tho yu tryin to convince yaself that this one might be better...
    just playin
    i love this poem baby
    i feel every word you write and the sincerity and emotion shines through
    keep at it
    <3

  • 16 years ago

    by 4EvErMaKeBeLiEvE

    I think that you need to work on your rhyming scheme. It ain't so hott. But other wise this was a very sweet poem.....i liked it.

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