Playing Pretend *or* Unspoken

Kristina,,
ur great... simply great.
i love this poem too.
hmm... the title.. I think I like Playing Pretend.
But it's up to u.
If you didn't like the one u chose first... u can always change it.

5/5 all the way sista.

ily bunches!

mackenzie.<3

Excellent poem... 5/5

Aww, sweetie, this was a good poem! I mean the flow was a little rocky in some placed, but I really liked the over all poem.

Another relationship down the drain,
And yet again I am broken
I need to talk to you about this
But the words in my heart remain unspoken
^^There should be a comma between again and I, in the second line, and another comma after this in the third stanza. I feel destroyed and ready to give up when I read this stanza. It feels like your just so stick of being heart-broken, and you can't take it anymore.

I was blinded by love
I thought that everything was great
But now, I opened up my eyes
And, you, I am beginning to hate
^^Ooooh. I like this one. It's like at first your were so inlove, and then you look beyond that love, and you realize you hate him. Haha. Loves it.

I am not a possession
That you can put up for show
I am not a "something" for your friends to see
I am finally letting you know
^^Oooh, another good stanza full of hate. I love how you're all like "You can't own me!" Hehe. The only thing I see wrong with this one is the very last line. It seemed a bit forced, but not too bad.

I will not go on with life unhappy
Because that seems like what I always do
I just want to you to now
That I can go on with my life, without you
^^ She gets strong and independent in this stanza! ^.^ That's awsome. There should be a comma between life and unhappy in the first line. I think in the third line, you meant it to be "I just want you to know". Hehe. In the last stanza I think it might flow better as "My life can go on without you". Don't know though, you might like it the other way.

Is there someone out there
That can point me to the right trail
I don't know how much more I can take
My heart has been broken and it's so frail
^^Aww, she's looking/searching for help. In the last line there should be a comma between broken and "and". Haha, two ands. >.> That was confusing.

Maybe the broken hearts are caused by me
Maybe I just don't have what it takes
Everything always seems to be going too good
And then its like a car, slamming on its breaks
^^Aww, this part just makes me want to cry. She's blaming herself. I can relate to this stanza the most so for. :[ There should be a comma after both Maybes, and there should be one after then in the last line. Also, "its" in the last line should be "it's".

Everything changes for the worse
The happiness is put on a halt
I don't know what I am doing wrong
I feel like this is all my fault
^^Awww, she's still blaming herself. It's just so sad when people blame themselves over break-ups, or getting hurt by a boy/girl. I've learned that it's really not worth it.

Can't someone love this broken heart?
I know there has to be a great guy out there
Someone to take me in
Someone to love me and really care
^^I think in the first like you should change "someone" to "anyone", but that's just me. I think in this one, she's hopeful again. Hoping that there's some great sweet gentle guy out there, that's just waiting to love her. She's not broken anymore. :]

I need just one guy to prove me wrong
And want to give me a love that is true
I want someone like this,
But I know these true loves are very few
^^This stanza is sooo true. I mean most guys just want to get in you pants, or show you off. Or just go out with you to prove something to someone. I hate guys like that. I would be really great if a guy came along that actually loved you for you and nothing else.

I want a relationship that will last
A love that will never end
I want to be in love and happy
When can I be done playing pretend?
^^Aww! I loved the last line. A lot of people play pretend everyday.

Great job!

Keep writing!
Cayce

Great write great flow and great emotion keep it up