Enough.... , no more tears to spend
holding my heart in pieces in hand
mercy on me. my god please hear
my screaming soul , bleeding my ears
^^ some touch ups:
Enough, no more tears to spend
holding my heart in pieces in hand
Have mercy on me, my god please hear
my screaming soul, bleeding my ears
I dont really understand, bleeding my ears? So i cant really help out with that.. because i dont really know what you are trying to say. Also, i think that 'no more tears to spend' coul be changed.. spend doesnt sound right.
enough ,,, no more work , no more lie
no feeling inside , help me i die
maybe i died and hell is present
my god i ask me back to heaven
Some changes:
Enough, no more work , no more lie
no feeling inside, help me, i die
maybe i died and hell is present
my God i ask take me back to heaven
Even if adding taken into the last line makes the syllable count wrong, i think you should still add it and if you want the syllables to be better, than add something to the line above it so it matches.
enough...no more sitting alone
i will fight again to win your thrown
i don't want to think time to act
maybe this truth will turn to fact
^ my favourite stanza, just a couple of things.
Enough... No more sitting alone
I will fight again to win your thrown
I don't want to think, time to act
Maybe this truth will turn to fact.
Overall a great poem CJ, just needed a little work.