I hate food
I hate eating it even more
I hate talking and socializing with people
While I'm surrounded by food and these people who call themselves my friends
But I don't know them
And they definitely don't know me
I can do nothing but escape into the depths of my mind
Trying to hide myself behind a mask made of secrets and lies
No I am not hungry
I am simply just tired
Detaching myself and frantically trying to break away
No one understand me
People try to go inside my mind
But they just don't understand
Or they finally realize they just don't care enough
No use in putting in all of the time and energy with someone like me
Because I am far too complicated for anyone to really care
Or too complicated for anyone to succeed in breaking the code to my mind
Far too connected to my thoughts that will forever bind me closed
Images in my mind that will forever haunt me
Thoughts, knowledge, and memories
They all destroy me
All the things in my past I've regretfully done
Whether it is skipping meals or throwing up
Too frightened to be alone
But too alone to attach myself onto anyone else
Swallowed by a cloud of depression
Purged by the burden of an eating disorder
Closed up and trapped by social anxiety
There are not enough words to ever successfully form into a sentence how i feel
Not enough courage or energy to even try
Too much thinking
Too much effort
Too much talking
And far too much eating.
