A boy named shadow ( foreword)

This isnt a poem actually, its a story im writing, its kinda long and this isnt even chapter on yet, but it would be greatly apprieciated if you commented it, its my first story so yea....

He was always an outcast, but not by choice. A loner yes, but he never wanted to be completely alone. From the time he was young, he had very few friends, if any at all. But, I suppose it all depends on your definition of friend. Friend, a person who is always there for you, through good times and bad. A person who will support you in what ever you do, a person who you can talk to. Thats my personal definition of the word "friend."
Friends were few and far between for this boy, from now on referred to as Shadow. ( I choose to call him shadow because thats all he was, a child following the others, far enough behind to be forgotten, but not far enough to be ignored completely.) In his elementary school years he excelled, straight A's and stars on everything. His parents were so proud. And for a short while, he was content with just his parents companionship and praise. But these times did not last. He would go to school everyday and sit in the front of the class. Paying attention and taking notes. Even in his youngest years he cared about his work and what people thought of him. And it was this caring for others that would eventually get the better of him. But I digress. It took only a short while for the shadow to realize that he went to school, and thats all he did. Afterwards, at home sitting in his room, he would look out the window and see every kid on the block outside. Playing their games and talking. Just being kids. I think it was then he realized that he was lonely.
Friend, a person who you can stand next to and listen to them talk to the others. Even if they ignore you, at least youre close enough to hear. Back then, I believe this was shadows definition of friend. Just someone to be near. And if this is so, then he had as many friends as he could count. Following close behind the other kids, listening to them talk and joke, watching them play and have fun. If only he could have joined in. Things might have turned out different. But for now he was content to sit back and watch. Envious as he was, there was nothing he could do, except wait for them to notice. But they never did notice. They just kept on playing. Ignoring their shadow.
For so long he waited. Waited for a day that seemed would never come. Until one day, when he stopped caring if people noticed him or not, they finally saw something. They didnt realize at first what was different. Only that something was in fact different. Their shadow, that had been following them for so long, was gone. Dressed in black, head hung down low, he still followed them, but much further behind. He truly was a shadow. A shadow cast upon the wall of a darkened room. Barely visible, except for the faint silhouette of a child forgotten. I think then he started to think that friends were overrated. Gazing upon the masses, watching the fights and heart breaks. If everyone is always getting hurt, then why bother. These thoughts only served to reinforce his thoughts of hopelessness and apathetic nature that had been developing over the past few years.
Hopelessness and apathy seem to go hand in hand. Not just for shadow, but for all people who are in his position. With no friends to share his success with, no one to share anything with for that matter, shadow grew apathetic. Yes he still had his parents and their praise, but that only goes so far. The unconditional love that a parent can offer is supportive to say the least, but a person needs someone else, some outside force to share their love and compassion with. Without an outlet for these emotions they become bottled up inside. And we all know that emotions of any kind that stay bottled up start to have effects on the person holding the bottle. Never positive and not always noticeable, at least not at first.
Every emotion that you keep bottled up as a different effect. In shadows case, compassion, coupled with loneliness has caused him to become deeply emotional. But not in the sense that most people take the word to mean. Emotional in a way as to where he feels things deeper and experiences passion in most things.
Whether it be with love, hate, or the above said apathy.
It has been said that it is better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. I believe this statement to be very true. Having experienced only the love from his parents, which is nearly impossible to comprehend as a child, and almost always taken for granted, he never learned to reach out and take love. He could only wait for it to come to him. But we all know thats not how it works. In most instances, as with love, you must get up and try, get up and make an effort to get what you want. Whether it be the love of a friendship, which is unique to each and every person, or the love of girl. The connection felt when you can say I love you to someone outside the family, and hear them say I love you too, is a connection to a feeling that is unmatched by any other in the entire world. A feeling that shadow will never come to know. Hate however is a totally different story.
A person must be taught to love. The same is not true for hate. Hate is a lack of love and can be fueled by pretty much every emotion. The compassion that shadow has bottled up, and with nowhere to go, is quickly filling up. Eventually and most likely sometime soon, that bottle will shatter and the emotions that were inside with will come flooding out. But with no one to love, they will have nowhere to go. Hate, a lack of love. So, with no one to feel love for, that leaves everyone to hate. Although, for now hate may be too strong of a word. Maybe I should use resentment. Yes, resentment. That fits perfectly. He resented the people, the would be friends, that ignored him for so long. "Why cant I play, why cant I be seen? Is something wrong with me?" These are the thoughts that would fuel shadows resentment towards his peers.
Unfortunately these very same thoughts would play a part in shadows path down questioning self-worth and eventually hating the people around him. But enough on that for now.
As mentioned earlier, when he was still a child, he cared about his school work and how people thought of him. And for awhile he continued to excel. But as he grew up a little bit, and the resentment for the people around him grew, it started to consume him. Spending all his time wishing that people would notice him, focusing only on that fact that he was alone, his school work started to suffer. Little by little his grades declined. From A's to B's. And eventually all the way down to failing status. But he didnt notice, and even if he had, I dont think he would have cared. Shadow was changing. Changing into a whole new person, and he never even realized it. But he was the only one who didnt see the changes. His teachers were the first to notice the change. They saw the potential when he was younger, and they knew that potential like his just doesnt go away. Although it can go to waste. As it was with shadow. His parents were the next to see. He wouldnt talk to them anymore. He wouldnt talk to anyone. In part because he had no one to talk to. Anyway, being the loving people that they were, his parents were worried about their only son. Theyd ask questions like "are you alright, would you like to talk?". Questions of that sort, but they would always get the same reply. " Im fine. Leave me alone". But the truth was that he was not fine and did not truly want to be left alone. Quite the opposite actually. The thing he wanted most was to be noticed, acknowledged as a human being and accepted by his peers. But that never happened for shadow.
As the people around shadow continued to ignore him, he grew more and more resentful. He could feel it. Feel it growing inside him, pushing on the sides of the proverbial bottle until the glass started to crack. Eventually that glass would shatter but more on that later. For now lets stick to family and friends or rather lack there of. His mother, who will remain unnamed for now, made many attempts to understand her son. All of which failed. She tried her best to make him happy. Jumping to his every beckon call, getting him what ever he wanted, but even that did not work. His father, who will also remain unnamed, made mild attempts to understand but just could not find a way to relate to his son. But he never gave up.
Both , mom and dad, agreed that the two of them were not going to be enough to help their boy. Seeking outside assistance, in the form of a therapist and psychiatrist , they enrolled their son in a twice a week "talk" session. Since he would not talk to them, they foolishly believed that he would talk to complete strangers. This was not the case. Yes, he went to the sessions, but he only would sit there, in his chair and stare at the wall. Not listening to a single word they were saying, not answering a single question. Probing, poking, and asking unnecessary questions that only served to agitate. Digging up the painful truth that he was, is, and seemingly always will be alone.
It was a simple fact that Shadow was alone, one that he would one day come to understand, but never fully accept. This is the story of a boy named Shadow and his slow and painful decent into madness...