Bloody cupid

by Hollywood   Mar 4, 2008


One lonely girl
One lonely heart,
One lonely hand,
One lonely mind.

So scared to start again
Not ready for that step,
She has been hurt so many times,
You'd probably lose count to.

Flowers never blooms
Sun never shines,
It's almost dark out,
Music is her escape of people around her,
Poetry is her escape of life,
When times get hard it's always here for her.

I used to believe in cupid
But know i think he's just stupid,
I dont see an angel with little white wings,
I dont see him with the Arrow drawn out ready to shoot us into love.

But know i see an angel lying dead on the floor
Black wings,
Blood dripping out off his chest,
From where i shot the arrow

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Aveena

    That was very deep. good job : )
    keep it up

  • 15 years ago

    by LiveLoveLearnDie

    One lonely girl
    One lonely heart,
    One lonely hand,
    One lonely mind.
    ^^
    This really got my attention as to how you were going to continue your poem. so a really good start!

    So scared to start again
    Not ready for that step,
    She has been hurt so many times,
    You'd probably lose count to.
    ^^
    You captured some feelings that many people fell throughout their 'love' life and I think you have put it into a good perspective here.

    Flowers never blooms
    Sun never shines,
    It's almost dark out,
    Music is her escape of people around her,
    Poetry is her escape of life,
    When times get hard it's always here for her.
    ^^
    I think that this stanza doesn't completly fit with the rest of the poem, it fits with the stanza before hand however I don't feel it fits with the one below.(That's just my opinion.)

    I used to believe in cupid
    But know i think he's just stupid,
    I dont see an angel with little white wings,
    I dont see him with the Arrow drawn out ready to shoot us into love.
    ^^
    In this stanza you may want to fix up some grammer, as for some people without the correct grammer it is hard to read.
    .Arrow should be arrow. dont should be don't.

    But know i see an angel lying dead on the floor
    Black wings,
    Blood dripping out off his chest,
    From where i shot the arrow
    ^^
    Shouldn't know be now??
    However it is a strong finish to the poem as you have 'turned the tables'. (If you get what I mean.)

    Overall a really good poem, just be careful with your grammer and how many lines you are using to a stanza as it is a good idea to have them all the same length.
    -Just my two cents. =]

  • 15 years ago

    by Kimberley

    A-mazing! 5/5 all the way. that was soo soo good! your an amazing writer, keep up the wonderful work. ~KM~

  • 16 years ago

    by TormentedSoul

    This poem was great!!! alot of emotions and the flow was great!! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Concealing Words

    Thank you for the comment on my poem and yes you can post it somewhere.

    I like this poem, it makes you think. Most poems writtten about cupid are happy but yours stands out and is original. Keep it up