Mother

GOD... that one was GOOOOOD!
it was (2 me anyway) subpar until the last part which read "You'll sit at the funeral with tears apon your cheeks
Repeating those horrible lies
On how you have no idea why she killed herself
With the look of bitter sweet satisfaction in your eyes"
i mean, it was like, WHAM! and that hit me right in the pit of my stomach. so thats when i knew this was a work of art. great job, never stop writing, your sooo super talented!
Belle

I like this poem it tells mostly about the truth and i loved it (5/5)

I really enjoyed this read. I thought the beginning wasn't the best but the rest kind of made up for it. The flow wasn't really off at all, though in a few spots I found that they stuck out because of the syllable count... it didn't quite go well with the rest. Really good poem. Sad and depressing, but good. I absolutely loved the ending.

I know we havent the slightest bond

** I've not the faintest clue on how to fix what I see wrong with this line, and it's probably because the line goes so well with the poem - but it throws off the flow. Just a tad bit, which isn't a big deal. But, I figured I'd mention it.

Those fake tears full of lies
[Those fake tears, so full of lies.]

** I liked that stanza, it gave the real meaning. And, I also liked this line. 'So' kind of sets the flow a bit better.

There will be no mention of your harsh words
That tore this little girl apart
No words on how all she wanted was love
But was left broken from your cold heart

[There will be no mention of your harsh words,
that tore this little girl apart.
No words on how she wanted love
and was left broken from cold hearts.]
** The whole punctuation thing is needed in this poem, so that it kind of breaks it apart. The last two lines ... I wasn't too fond of them. How I thought it would help (my version) wasn't really help either. It was just an idea on how to kind of fix it. The flow was off, so maybe you could come up with something better. Or not? The non-fixed version was okay, just set the flow off a bit.

You'll sit at the funeral with tears apon your cheeks
[You'll sit at the funeral with tears upon your cheeks.]

** apon=upon.

Oh hun this was such a powerful piece. very descriptive and heart wrenching. this poem is among the best i've read of yours so far. keep writing, you have a lot of talent. 5/5

Another Amazing poem. This one I like even more than the other one I read. I like that it has a story to it and a lot emotions. Puts a good picture in your mind when reading it. It flows well and I see no grammar problems. Even though this one has a sadder ending, I like the story in it. 5/5 Excellent piece.