This feels so wrong, its all so bad
but yet it feels good, feeling sad
why, why does it feel so good?
would I let myself out if only I could?
Why am I so sick? What did I do?
what happeneded to change me, can I start anew?
It's just so wrong, so totally off
nothing physical, not a wound or a cough
there really isn't a reason then is there?
nothing at all to which I can compare
it's all really bad, and so confusing
the sadness I like, the love of losing
I seem to have confused the lines
between love and hate, and ignored the signs
what does it mean that I feel this way?
that the feeling just grows day by day?
The more I hurt the worse I feel
I smile at the pain, and scowl when I heal
that just isn't natural, it's worse than all
that I rejoice when I lose, smile when I fall
The fact that I hope for something to go wrong
the fact that a put down is for what I long
rejection just sings to me, acceptance I crawl from
I lie and lie, to find I'm becoming numb
Feeling sad is a strong feeling
perhaps it is all I can feel without reeling
maybe through all my layers of hate
it's the only one to which I can relate
What could make me feel this way though?
what screwed me up enough to make me so?
How could this happen to someone so sane of mind
to someone like me, of my kind?
Why do I feel so depressed?
So angry, ruined, and distressed?
why would I want myself so mad?
so utterly upset, always feeling bad
when others are like this not of their own design
why would I want theirs to be less than mine?
why am I so obsessed I ask
why do i always want to wear a mask?
am I just trying to protect myself? From what?
what do I need protection from, fear of what cut?
Am I scared of really being hurt
do I want to get to myself first, so I feel less like dirt?
How do I escape what I want so badly
what I swerve to blindly, sadly, madly
why does this anger feel so good
Please! Just make it be like it should
I am totally and utterly alone now
this is tearing me in more ways that I know how
I can only follow one direction, but I'm going the wrong way
I can't seem to change it, I have no say
Swurving dangerously out of sight
no one can bring me back, no human might
I must be left now, so I hurt no one more
just walk away, please shut the door
You have no idea how much I can hurt you
how much somehow I'd like that, in this human zoo
walk away, never come back, for you I don't want to hurt
there is nothing I can do, but turn you into dirt...
