Falling backwards

You open up my notebook
Staring at all the silly quotes and lyrics
The I use to cure the emptiness
You start reading
Getting closer and closer to my secrets
As I snatch the notebook from you
You ask what's so wrong
I don't answer
I merely look away
And wait for a new topic to talk about
You ask what I mean by searing pain on my arm
I tell you it's just a little metaphor
That there is no real pain
And never will there be real pain
How ironic every word I say is
I think to myself
As I remember falling backward into old habits
And long nights with the blade