First off, this was amazing. I didn't expect such a piece from the title, but it was definitely worth the read. There were three tiny little typos that I found:

Your frightened and alone.
`You're
Theres no more tears to wipe,
`There should be an apostrophe in There's.
'Cause emotions isn't hot,
`The first chorus stanza -- emotion.

So overall, I was blown away. Seriously. When they say "Show, don't tell" will make your writing amazing, I didn't know just how amazing until I read this. You never really come straight out and say what you're writing about -- it's implied, and you did an amazing job with it.

You rip a little skin,
On the places you don't show,
Just a small imperfection,
As your self destruction grows.
`A brilliant choice of words; if the reader isn't grabbed from the very beginning, this (the chorus, I'm assuming) will definitely haul them in.

You wipe away your tears,
'Cause emotions isn't hot,
`These were the most dazzling lines of the whole piece, I feel. On the runway and such, you're expected to either never smile and you can never look like you're going through crap. In "normal" lives for teens, so many ball up their emotion -- "wipe away your tears." Just something that came to mind.

It's you against the world girl,
`Right there, when I say it, the girl makes it sound weird and awkward, but I think if you're gonna sing it, it'll sound good.

You gave it everything you got,
Shows you had a lot.
`That ending...I feel it's weak compared to the rest of the piece. I know you wanted a "helpful" comment, and I tried to look for imperfections, but I couldn't find any -- until I hit the very last line "shows you had a lot." It just sounds feeble and takes away from a strong, beautiful verse. That would be the only I would reccommend you look at. Mind that, the lyrics are laudable.

--..MiNDYY

Oh my gosh wow...
this poem/song is definitly going in my favorites
It just sort of spoke to me because right now in life I almost feel like that girl and you really helped me sort of see something you know I think this poem is really amazing and it needs more votes and comments! The flow was good and as I was reading I sang it in my own tune...I almost want to put it to my guitar and test it out nice job!
5/5

You rip a little skin,
On the places you don't show,
Just a small imperfection,
As your self destruction grows.
You wipe away your tears,
'Cause emotion isn't hot,
You'll make it to your dreams, girl,
Just give it everything you've got.

^^ This part hit me so hard. I can relate to it so much, it's unbelievable. It almost makes me want to cry. I really wish I could hear it being sung, I'm sure this would become one of my favorite songs.

Now you rip a little skin,
To show that it's still thick,
No more imperfections,
For confidence is the trick.
There's no more tears to wipe,
Now courage has arrived,
Your face across the billboards,
To show that you survived.

^^Oooh, this was sooo inspirational. I loved every single bit of it. You're so very talented. *is adding you to her favorite authors*

You leave me speechless.

Keep writing!
Cayce

"They throw words like hand grenades,
And stares that burn to your spine,"
^^^
[I ASGAOSDJF <<love>> this line. It's so original, kick amazing (lol), and yet it's true. LOVE it. Beautiful start!]

"After everything you've been through,
It seems here your beauty is a crime.
^^^
["it seems here your beauty is a crime" --- I'm not sure I understand here. It doesn't make much sense.]

Like you've just jumped off of page three,"
^^^
[Or this line.. But somehow, it fits and I like it. I just don't understand it, to be honest. =].]

"Shielding young boys eyes,
For your perfection they can't see."
^^^
[Not feeling this line, to be honest.]
"You rip a little skin,
On the places you don't show,
Just a small imperfection,
As your self destruction grows."
^^^
[My god. I knew by the first two lines you meant self-harm..
But.
F.
What a way to describe it! "you rip a little skin".. Who would have thought to put it like that!
No one.
but you.
BRILLIANT! I love unquie. And this is
the mot unquie thing I've read - that made sense - in quite sometime.]

"You wipe away your tears,"
^^^
[I do this every day. In these last few lines, you've really caught me.]

"'Cause emotion isn't hot,
You'll make it to your dreams, girl,
Just give it everything you've got."
^^^
[Although I like the message here
I really don't like the first line. It's weird and doesnt' fit..
It seems like you just said it to fit the rhyme.
However, the next two lines are really good.. Hit home.]

""Please stop living in a fairytale"
You hear your father say,
"Life won't treat you well, my girl,
So you best give up today."
^^^
[My father never said this, but he said something that would have the same effect. You know what I mean?
This line really hit home. Saddening. Hurtful.
Hm.]]

"He gave you one last twisted choice,
Your family or your dreams,
And 'til this day you hear his voice,
"You'll fall apart at the seams.""
^^^
[I really don't like these lines. They don't fit the creativity of the rest of the poem. and the "seams" "dreams" part is cliche.]

"As the abuse becomes more constant,
The stares now turn to stones,
It's you against the world girl,
You're frightened and alone."
^^^
[Strong stanza.
"The states now turn to stones"
I'd say "stone" instead...
But I love that line. Very amazing description.
"It's you against the world, girl
You're frientened and alone"
It's a little cliche, but it fits perfectly and again.. it really hit home.]

"You'll prove it to your father,
Beauty's not meant to hide."
^^^
[My father once told me I was fat and I'd never find anyone to love me.
I'm bulimic now.

And.
This really.. Almost makes me cry.
Everything I do
Say
how I act, etc.
it's all to prove my father I can do something with myself.....]

"Your face across the billboards"
^^^
[Besides this line, that last stanza is pretty strong. I love the raw emotion and since of hope.]

"You gave it everything you got,
Shows you had a lot"
^^^
["Shows you had a lot" is a bit awkward.
But. I really like this closing to this poem.]

So.
Finally.
As you know.
This poem really, really hit home for me.
I told you things I don't just come out and tell people.
I told you because your poem just about described me.
You did a nice job.
All the way through the poem, I felt hope.. Even though I don't feel hope in my own life, it was nice to read like.

You did a nice job portraying all this. Very unique lines and great flow.

Keep it up.
xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 5.5

Umm... wow.....
I guess that last comment was nice in a way of helping...
Idk, I loved all of it.
But I guess not everyone is like me, I'm afraid.
This world wouldn't be interesting if everyone was then again.
I think it had perfect flow. It was incredible and blew me away, darling.
Lovce you
xxx

Wow. Wasn't expecting this. It was wonderful. The verses spoke volumes, and the refrain filled in the blanks. I loved it. From the title, I was expecting something maybe good. I got amazing instead. Wonderful. 5/5