being without you, the knowledge of it is a nightmare,
i lie in my bed suspended in darkness,
not the cool calm darkness just before sleep,
no, the deep dark pit of hopelessness,
a darkness that makes my body freezing cold and my insides boiling hot,
the darkness of childhood when every shadow took shape of the monsters in your deepest imagination,
it feels like breathing normally but with no oxygen getting to my brain and my brain being ready to implode, to pop like a zit,
it feels like falling into an abyss of nothingness to which there is no end so I'm just falling tears streaming down my face suspended in time and falling through space,
it feels like I'm being crushed by my own emotional weight,my spine being bended and twisted and warped,
like i can feel the bones crack but i can also feel my heart shattering,
a darkness that seizes my insides and paralyzes me,and there being no present tense, no past and no future just a nothingness,
a nothingness which has no end,
not even death would be an end,
for i believe in God, and in heaven and in hell,
and my own personal hell would be this,
this darkness but with one difference,
there would not be that one small minute sliver of hope,
a blinding sliver of light that allowed me to raise myself from my bed and come to write this,
that is the only way i know for sure that I'm not in hell,
because hell has no hope,
not even a sliver,
and i have that sliver, the one God mercifully gave me,
I have you.
