Stop Trying

Fighting the despair; desperately searching for someone to care,
Tears threaten to spill from my eyes; I fight them back with my lies.
Anything to hold off the pain; clawing at my mind for someone else to blame,
Theres nobody to blame but me; anger slowly builds inside me like a roaring sea.

I writhe in pain and cry; wanting so badly to die
I cant keep the fear away; my throat is closing, this is the price, I pay for doing what I do, each and every day.
Lying to myself, lying to my friends, asking each one of them to pretend.
That I'm okay, I'll be alright, I'm doing fine, I'll get through tonight.

What a mess I have created; that I cannot pull myself from
Trying franticly to breathe; with my seemingly collapsed lungs
Praying the pain will seize its violent attack on me.
Asking for sanity, Begging for some hope, anything to hold me here until I know I can cope

Its the same every night, running from the pain until I give up my fight
It will pound my pride, with ever-increasing strength until I refuse to hide.
That smile on my face, the happiness in my eyes,
These are the lies of my life, the ones that wont deny my strife.

The cracking in my voice, the fakeness in my laugh, its all my damn choice.
I cant let them truly know, I fight tooth and nail trying never to show
The ache, the fear. The heartbreak, the tears.
Through the pulling and ripping, of my already torn heart, I feel myself slipping.

There will be nobody to save me, no footsteps in the hall; no one to cry out in fear and catch me when I fall.
I am alone. Forever that will be, because nobody has ever seen the truly aching Me.
If only I could show you, what I really feel tonight, maybe Id have a chance of fighting the dark of night
But now that I know, youll never try to help, I know its time, that I stop trying to help myself.

Maybe once Im gone, youll see how hard I tried
I faught for you, I faught for me, every day until I died.

____________________________________

© Fallen Angel.