Death

by Beautiful Forever   Mar 11, 2008


They take turns, stabbing me one by one,
My vision goes black, I no longer see the sun,
Blood loses its warmth, falling to the acid,
It creates a ripple, then becomes placid,

Blending in, as if its been there forever,
Hiding from the knife that continues to sever,
My lungs, honor, heart, and soul,
Infecting my chest, with another hole,

As if answering my insides helpless plight,
Conquering its darkness, using light,
And liberating them, opening the path,
Forcing my body, to suffer their wrath,

One by one, they all fall,
I've finally lost it -- all,
My life, body, last breath,
From the pain, called death.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Gizmo

    Detail 9/10
    vocabulary 9/10
    imagery 10/10

    i really liked this poem, it made you feel like you were seeing the event first hand and feeling the feelings :) good job

  • 16 years ago

    by Britni

    At the beginning of the poem, it was like a bunch of people were ganging up on the person, and stabbing him to death. The death seemed so real. It was like I was really there. You did a great job with going into detail about the way he was killed. You did a amazing job with making the poem seem dark and scary. The flow was good, not as good as it could have been, but still good. I give this poem a 4/5.

    .:Britni:.

  • 16 years ago

    by VYXSIN

    This poem would make a good heavy metal song.
    I like the words that you used, and the flow of the poem.
    i loved it, very dark, yet to me weirdly touching

    great work

    sarah

  • 16 years ago

    by firexdancer

    I thought this was really gorgeous actually. The flow of the poem was quite smooth, though the rhyming seemed forced in some places.

    Hiding from the knife that continues to sever.

    ^I have to say that was one of the parts of the poem that really got me the most. It's a quite descriptive yet intriguing sentence.

    5/5 [very good job btw!]
    ~gabriella

  • 16 years ago

    by Kitten

    Good poem i like dark poems but this one really told a story one suggestion though dont try to hard to rhyme a couple of your rhymes like the first couplet of the first stanza sound almost off and kind of forced