Comments : Fake smiles with crocodile tears

  • 16 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Wow, emotion filled and excellently written. I loved your choice of words, and the flow was good as well as the structure.

    However, I felt the piece could of been a lot strong and mended together a bit better if you used puncuation.

    Overall, a great emotion filled piece that was greatly written by a good poet. Keep up the great work.

    Peace, Joe

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    First off, I like the repetition of "Fake smiles with crocodile tears" line. It really gave extra effect to the great flow of the whole poem.
    You expressed your emotions excellently and I can relate to this piece in a way. The feelings that this holds are priceless, portrayed with sincerity and truly good choice of words.
    Whole poem holds superb atmosphere, greatly created from the beginning to the end.
    My favorite stanza is:

    - Fake smiles with crocodile tears
    A step away from murder
    How dare anyone touch you
    The pain cuts to deep to bare -
    ^^
    Very effective and filled with emotions.

    The only thing I don't like about the poem is similarity in the second and the third stanza, with lines:
    - Unable to fathom what really happened- and
    - Cannot even say what has happened-
    because you repeated the word "happened" and that threw me off a bit. (That's just my personal opinion).
    Overall, greatly done.
    Keep up.

  • 16 years ago

    by FridusBlueheaven

    This poem is great one, I really can relate. The title was awesome and quickly drew me to read this one. Brilliantly written. 5/5 for sure!!! Hey I nominated this one as contest poem!!! Good luck!!!

  • 16 years ago

    by sweet escape

    Depression tries to consume me
    Happiness is lost in history
    Ever heard of fake it til you make it
    Well, my dear, that has become me

    ^^that is my fav. part^^

    this poem has so much emotion and debth.
    love the way you put it all together and it flowed very well.
    very well writen.
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Normal is the Watchword

    The paragraph that stood out to me the most was the final one, it rounded out the poem beyond words, but maybe that is because I was stricken in awe by this line, "How dare anyone touch you/the pain cuts to deep to bare." As I have been through this line in another situation that stings my heart. I liked the whole theme of fake smiles and crododile tears, but I did not like the idea presented more than once in those words, sorry, I just think that once you establish it you should use it as a base and spring out, branch out, in other directions.

    Instead of repeating the words, I think you should have gone into more detail about these, "Happy moments keep me going" and then pull the reader into the depths of what seems like a troubled soul with the line, "Unable to fathom what really happened"

    Once you establish that the poem is an narrative from first point of view, which I didn't really see this with your poem, you should stick to using one I maybe. You don't have a lot, in fact barely any, and I like that except you mix it with more than one or to you or variations and my. Where is the description that would make me fell the pain, as a reader, that this narrator is talking about?

    No repair can mend these wounds but what exactly are the wounds or the effects from them? Is it just the fake smile and crocodile tears?

    I liked the final paragraph as I have already told you, and a couple of the lines I have pointed out I really liked as well. I also liked the structure that you based htis off of, very even, and I didn't have to stumble over words.

  • 16 years ago

    by Not

    Great poem , once upon a time that was me and i hope you overcome this....4/5

  • 16 years ago

    by JEFF

    Another great poem, and yet another question.

    I've never seen a croc cry, so please explain to me What a croc tear looks like?

    Maybe I just haven't gotten close enough and believe me I doubt I will ever get that close....lol.

    great poem. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    I loved how you used " crocodile tears " instead of like " painful tears " or something less boombam, if that makes any sense. It emphasizes it more, I believe.

    Now, the first stanza seemed a bit off, but the emotion in it kind of hid the odd flow thing. It wasn't horrible, and the last two lines just kind of threw me off, with the other two lines. ( When I read them separately, they were just fine. . . ). but, it's probably just my way of reading it.

    I loved the ending, you did such a good job with it, dear. And,
    " Ever heard of fake it til you make it.
    Well, my dear, that has become me"

    ^^ Those are amazing lines, I was so drawn to them. (:

    " . . . cuts to deep to bare" << too*

    You did such a wonderful job with this poem, Sherry. I loved every bit of it. The words were an amazing choice and the emotion was perfect through-out the entire piece. It was a strong emotion, too , not just emotion, lol.

    Keep it up, dear.

  • 16 years ago

    by Rasheed Khokhar

    Very Nice Peace of Work... I like This....:)