I can't believe it.. It's really been 12 days since you've been gone. I still miss you so much... It's cool having an angel watching over me.. But I'd rather you be here in real life. I would tell you how much I miss you... But you already know. I would tell you how much I love you... But you know that too.. At least I hope you do. That Thursday night.. Thursday, February 28. I wanted to call you, and tell you happy birthday... I don't know why I didn't... I guess I just figured I'd see you soon.. But now I won't. I regret that, and I hate that I didn't. Hate that I didn't talk to you one more time.. Your funeral was by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Ever. I just sat there, waiting... Waiting for you to climb out and tell us it was all some horrible joke. That you were fine. I wanted you to laugh at us, tell us all how stupid we were for believing you were really gone. And you didn't. So I had to accept that you're actually gone. You were 16.. You were gonna get your license. We could have hung out more. I could have seen you more than just holidays and birthdays. I wanted you there for my 16th birthday.. I doubt we'll ever play football again.
I heard your song the other day.. I never thought I'd see the day when anyone cried during "International Harvester" but I did... Then I felt like a retard. You were probably laughing at me.. You've probably done that a lot lately. You always hated when people cried. You always wanted to make everyone happy.
I found this picture the other day. From preschool. I was kissing you goodbye.. lol. I don't think I ever did that again. I mean, it was rare for us to even say "I love you".. We're cousins, family.. I never thought that'd be the last thing I ever got to say to you. I'm so glad I said it now..
I think about you all the time... I know that sounds weird, but.. I do. Everything I do is because I've thought about what you would say and think and do if you saw me. Are you proud of me? Would you willingly tell people that we were related? Did you love me? Or more importantly, did you know how much I love you? You were so much more to me than a cousin... You were a best friend. And I won't ever be able to replace that.
I love you so much.. I'm never going to forget you... Never.
