Comments : Deep Down

  • 16 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    I think we all have a hunger for these things. Love is such an important thing to people, whether it is being in love, or just loving a friend, or family.
    I have two suggestions:
    Maybe add some punctuation, like periods, to emphasize the ending of a sentence or stanza, especially on the last one.

    And on the last stanza, (and this is my opinion) I think it would look and sound better as
    "Deep down my emotions are clear
    I want someone,
    I want you
    To be there "

    It is entirely up to you if you decide to change it, it is just my opinion.
    Great write, could really tell you were letting out your true feelings and desires.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Great piece. :] It was short, and simple, but still, so full of meaning. And the emotions you let out really went to the heart, you know. I like the structure of this piece, it's different from the ones I usually read. Definitely 5/5. :]

  • 16 years ago

    by Happy without a reason

    One of my favorite

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    It was pretty good. A few mistakes here and there but it's an all right poem. I like how you started off each line at the beginning, ya know the heart thing. It didn't grab me like I wanted it to though. It's not a bad poem I just wanted something different, new. You know what I mean. I've been reading love poems all day and each one is starting to from into one. It's not a bad poem. Trust me. I'll give it a three. Don't worry it will only bring it down to a four.

  • 16 years ago

    by Stephanie Naylor

    Rowan, i liked this poem, but who is it about?

    and

    "A broken heart,
    That dies every minute,
    Wishing for comfort."

    that part doesnt really make sense to me
    like "dies every minute"

    it would make more sense
    if it was "dies more every minute"

    but i still liked it

    its a well deserved 5/5