Theres a big wall in front of me.a brick wall.and the bricks are so thin so fragile it doesn't seem real at all.and all i need to do is break it down and in my head its so easy to do,but before i even break it down,i make it seem like the bricks are real and strong.so all i think of doing is to walk away because i know I'm weak,weak to even push it down.i was never confident in anything else other than things that me feel like nothing really mattered or there was nothing to worry about.i always wonder and i always will wonder why i pushed myself into situations like those.every one has a different opinion on being lonely,my feeling of being lonely is so pathetic i bring myself into issues i know i cant even handle,just so i can have something to fix or care about.seriously i don't know me.i knew me when i was a kid because it was so easy to figure out,the only thing on a kids face is there teeth struggling to get out of the big fat smile.thats the kind of smile i miss.writing cant prove my faults but when I'm writing i feel like the words on the paper just sort everything out alright,much better than myself talking,cause when i talk,its only scramble.I'm slow with words.I'm slow about everything.i was never good at anything really,the only time I'm good at something is when i hurt someone.so why do i try to even get close,i dint deserve shit.its nonsense.shit doesn't deserve shit at all,cause its just shit.I'm moving forward,but from what?even if I'm going back to whatever happened or if I'm moving forward everything will still be the same,cause I'm still the same person.change is difficult.maybe i don't even know how.if i could just get away from everyone and everything maybe ill see things clear,clear,like nothing was never in front of me at all.i feel so low,so low.at this point i dint care where i go when i die,or how i die,or where i even end up.it wont matter anymore.cause when I'm dead,my feelings for everything will rot away.just like my heart,my heart means nothing.cause theres nothing in it,all its doing is making me live,just beating away.if anything,i wish it would just stop beating.maybe if i learned to let go of everything that already let go of me, i would just feel like i actually did something right.how did i come to this.if anyone could get me,they'd be dead.if anyone couldn't,just walk away and walk fast.I'm not worth your time,your not worth mine.I'm a wreck.
